Things to do on Women's Day for women:
- Give thanks - Just because you're a woman, it doesn't mean you're the only woman in the world. It's International Women's Day. Send your mom a nice long email; you have plenty of time. Visit your grandmother with a box of chocolates (or a bottle of wine depending on how much she likes to/is still able to party). Take your daughter to lunch. Call up your lady friends and arrange a girls' night out. Capture it all on film.
- Don't give thanks - And by this, I mean, take the opportunity to speak up about something that you disagree with. Not that you shouldn't be doing this already - but make a point of it, woman! Is there a guy at work constantly slapping your ass and/or making disgusting attempts at sexual innuendos? Kick him anywhere between the shins and balls depending on the severity of his offenses. Do you suffer from a serial stalker who posts slimy comments on your Facebook photos? Delete him as a friend, but only after taking a screenshot and mailing it to his wife. After all, it's Women's Day for her too.
- Eat ALL the food - Seriously, don't think twice before devouring that chocolate donut sandwich and side-order of entire chickens. The world is your oyster, so f**king eat it. Forget about stuff like calories and carbs, they're just words anyway. Have your cake AND eat it. You can starve yourself and lament in front of the mirror any of the other 364 days in the year.
- Watch chick flicks - Go on a date and watch Girl In Progress or What To Expect When You're Expecting or whatever the hell you people enjoy. The point is not to force a guy to watch a chick flick, it's to force a guy to watch what YOU want to watch - so if you happen to choose The Dark Knight of The Dictator, then bonus lady points for you.
- Support a cause - Let's face it. Women's Day isn't just about acknowledging the fact that you're a woman. You've known that since you came out of that other woman. Support a cause; make a donation, volunteer locally. Help out rape victims at your local Choices or whatever. Act on what is closest to your heart.
Things to do on Women's Day for men:
- A woman - This should seem obvious, but I'll say it anyway. Give a woman some loving. Of course, make sure it's consensual, or you might fall victim to above point number 2 (or worse). Make it romantic too; none of this quickie bullshit. I'm talking scented candles, mood music and sensual lighting. Do it.
- Give chocolate - Give a woman chocolate. Everyone likes chocolate. If they don't, not only are they not a woman, they aren't even a human. Send them back on the next Curiosity Rover. To return to my original point though: as Forrest Gump once said "Life is like a box of chocolates; you've gotta give it to a woman". Or something.
- Show some respec' - Maybe chivalry is dead. Maybe it isn't. Regardless. Open the car door for a lady. Give her right of way when walking through a door. Maybe you think this is lame but it isn't. Chicks dig that shit, and if the girl you're with doesn't dig it, then you probably shouldn't be with her in the first place.
- Hold your tongue - I realise that it's now considered almost normal practice to refer to the fairer sex as bitches, chicks, broads, betties and a variety of similar synonyms. I do it. In fact I did it in the paragraph above (luckily I wrote this post yesterday) - but just for today, when you're about to say one of the above words, substitute it with a more appropriate, gentlemanly one.
- Support a cause - That's right. This one is for you too. In fact, it is especially so. Donate money, lend a hand or help your lady out at the shelter. Whatever you do, do it for the women, man! It's just one day. After that you can go on gargling beer, ordering for more sandwiches and watching Olympics while your girlfriend vacuums the entire house and cries. Jokes.
Okay, have fun. Bye!
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